Blackest Day
by misscanteloupe
Summary: There's no real way of breaking a vampire aside from stealing his mate. Oneshot. Warning: Femslash, EPOV


**Title: **Blackest Day

**Rating: **K+

**Pairing: **Alice/Bella, Edward

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**A/N: **I decided to take up the challenge of writing in Edward's P.O.V., something that goes waaaayyy beyond my comfort zone, but hopefully I did his character justice.

* * *

There is always a time in which I regret the error of my ways.

My existence alone has and forever will be the very core of my demons. Since the day I first awoke in Carlisle's presence, not even the fiery pits of hell could possibly resemble the life – if one may go so far as to call it that – of a predator. A _monster, _to put it in simple terms. Every shred of my humanity was ripped away the moment my heart stopped beating, and what followed was the fleeting bit of sanity I still possessed. That in itself was stolen from me through the taste of human blood.

Forgiveness was never an option in terms of all the lives I had taken due to my own selfish wishes, nor was it a fitting solution to end the beast lingering within my being. I was no less a treacherous creature than that of a murderer – one with pastimes similar to those of my victims and for that, the raging guilt marked a permanent aspect to my survival.

Perhaps it was derived from my foolish behavior. After all, I had not seen any of my siblings in nine years, and for that I was at fault for acting upon such irrational and cowardly thoughts. My stupidity resulted in the near destruction of my family and that alone brought forth a surge of loathing for what I was. What I became.

But it was the deprivation of Bella's humanity that consumed every bit of my existence.

I had left her that day for the sheer purpose of protecting the one I loved. Letting loose the opportunity to put her in any more danger was out of the question, and my family's presence served as a hindrance. She deserved more than what I could offer. She deserved a human life.

And it pained me to do so, knowing my Bella was to age and marry and give birth to the children I could never give her. Instead that innocence was stripped away from her as all else was. I was not there to prevent the inevitable, nor was I there to protect her from that vile creature my family called Victoria. In turn, my kind had given her eternal damnation.

Alice was the first to leave when she discovered Bella's fate, Jasper by her side, of course, and eventually the rest of my family followed along. I refused to return, however, fearing that my departure had worsened the circumstances. I could not endure the certainty of my beloved's death, thus I hid away from the matter at hand and merely acknowledged an illusion I composed within my mind. The denial persevered until I myself could no longer resist the alluring temptation – the irresistible longing to look into Bella's eyes once more and see the love flourish beneath her gentle gaze, human or not.

Therefore I found myself in the outskirts of Alaska, staring at the scenery in hopes of capturing a familiar scent I could work off of. I suppose _this _was my form of forgiveness – if forgiveness was defined as conceding to my unrelenting desires and allowing them to dictate not only my train of thought, but my instincts as well. It should explain how I managed to distinguish the unmistakable fragrance of Esme's perfume from a distance.

There was no need to inform her of my presence as she immediately detected it and awaited my arrival. No matter the conflict, I was always content with my mother's ability to soothe and comfort.

"Oh, Edward," she murmured, her voice heavy in warmth and relief. She embraced me fully and I basked in the maternal affection she emitted. _My son, my son… oh, how I've missed you. You've been gone for far too long, young man. We'll talk about it later._

I chuckled with a mirth I had not experienced in nearly a decade and, sensing the bliss of the moment, Esme tightened her grip. I was not entirely taken by surprise when the front door sprung open and Emmett emerged from its curtains.

"About time you came back, bro. Thought you lost your balls there for a while." I looked away from my mother's face and to Emmett's, who, after noticing my frustration, laughed in good natured amusement.

_Seriously, dude, thank fucking god you're back. Esme must've been PMSing or something the whole time you were gone._

Repulsed by my brother's vulgarity, I ignored his more… _blatant_ thoughts and attempted to repress the sudden rush of anxiety. Nine years was not a long period when it came to immortality, as time was nothing but a mere word in comparison to eternity, yet they were, nonetheless, nine years I had spent away from my family. Away from my Bella.

The others were already inside, each of them developing a similar concern – what was it that had caused me to alter my previous decision. There was no need to explain the reasoning behind my actions as I assumed it was obvious, and no one but Rosalie appeared to have discovered the basis of my return for her typical sneer turned ambiguous. I was curious as to why her prior thoughts had shifted from hostile to cryptic.

"You know, I don't appreciate your habit of never being able to make up your mind," Alice said to me just before I was engulfed by my smallest sibling. The naturalness of the greeting reminded me why I had missed her so. _I'd let you off the hook for disappearing like that, but I'm still peeved about all the visions._

In any normal situation, this would be the perfect time to irritate her further and consequently establish yet another one of our playful banters; however, I was immediately preoccupied by a foreign scent that had permeated into our living courters. No, I must cross that out. It was not foreign exactly, but strange and… _memorable. _

There was only one instance that I could recall ever being greeted by such an intoxicating aroma – my earliest interactions with Isabella Swan – and at the moment, I was forced into the sensation of déjà vu, the only difference being she was, as Alice first declared, no longer human. The young woman before me resembled Bella in a variety of ways as I recalled her heart shaped face, narrow jaw and full lips, features that were most recognizable before the transformation from her human life. What was left was the venom's doing – remarkably pale skin, eyes that held promise to feed off the blood of animals, and an emphasis to her beauty. It was the lack of a heartbeat, on the other hand, that I believed to be the most considerable change of all.

Yet she was the same Bella I have always loved dearly.

"Edward." She nodded and I took note of her voice – timid as it always was, but laced with a confidence she did not possess as a human. I pulled her into my arms and cherished the feel of her, a reminiscence of our time together flickering in my mind. I longed to hold her in a loving embrace again, to kiss her and touch her with an intensity I could not present when she was so fragile.

"Hard to believe it's been this long," my angel murmured, and I quietly agreed, inhaling her scent as if it were the sweetest thing in the world and whispering her name. The longing faded to a painful ache when I was forced to let her go, her grasp on me weakening and I watched with unfathomable bewilderment as she stood beside Alice.

_Ugh, she's in deep shit._

_I don't think he knows._

_Has Alice not told him?_

Bella's odd behavior hauled me from my reverie and toward the questionable one of my family, whose thoughts I was bombarded with in a moment of chaos. I turned to the owner of the final voice, Carlisle, and quickly hissed, "Tell me what?" before shifting my attention once more to the subject of this conversation.

It was then that I acknowledged the position my sister was in, arm encircled around Bella's waist and hand intertwined with hers in a tender manner that provoked my possessive nature. A pulsing fury insinuated itself upon my chest, eliciting a deep, predatory growl that would have sent anyone else running. But despite having sensed my delirious need to reclaim my mate, Alice stood her ground and pulled Bella behind her.

"Edward," she uttered evenly, a great distinction from my current state of emotions. "You've been gone for nine years. That's nearly a decade worth of questions you may have and we're more than willing to answer them. Just calm down."

I paid her no mind. "Let _go _of her, Alice."

_You have absolutely no right to tell me what to do._

"Oh? I beg to differ," I snarled, more than ready to attack if need be. "She's _mine! _Now for the last time –"

"It's too late, Edward! Don't you GET it?" I was slightly taken aback by the ferocity of her cries. "For once, stop hiding behind that fantasy of yours! _You _are the one who left Bella in the woods that day. It's _your _fault she went through all that pain, only to be turned. This isn't some damn fairy tale where you get everything you want, Ed! Things change, and I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd let the past and my _wife _go."

The abrupt disclosure certainly followed through. For a brief, assuring moment, I thought I had imagined that final remark, or it was simply a disturbing lie to aggravate me even more. It was, after all, Alice's specialty. All the same, the ring enclosed around her finger contradicted my theory, effectively destroying it through the image of Bella wearing one of a similar style.

I was at first puzzled with the complete absurdity of this predicament. My Bella would never become romantically involved with another woman, let alone my sister. And where did Jasper fit in?

_I love her_, she answered, as if she were the telepathist. _More than anything or anyone and she feels the same. That's all that matters._

Something within me snapped at that point and, with no consideration to the consequences of my actions, I lunged with full intention of attacking and fulfilling the urge to engage Alice in a physical struggle. But that impulse came to a halt at the sight of Bella's face, mere inches from my own and I realized she had stepped in front of Alice to shield her from my impending assault. Gaze locked onto mine, I was able to decipher a defensive approach to her stance as well as a heated glint in her eyes.

"I'm not yours, Edward," she whispered firmly, but gently as to not initiate another spark of frustration from me. But not even rage could possibly replace the agony of Bella's words. "You can't take back something you never had."

There was no aggression in the melody of her voice, nor did she sound remorseful over the irrevocable damage that would potentially tear apart the remaining pieces of my deceased heart. For that is what occurred for a brief, unbearable moment – the very essence of my being was destroyed; _shattered_ in forms that will never again mend on its own. How had I not seen it? Was I truly that oblivious to the matters of the heart? Was I utterly engrossed in my undying love that the sentiment could not be mutual? Or could my offerings not compare to those of my _sister_?

I had never felt so cold. Not even when I coursed through the forest and away from the damned pity elicited by my family could I dispose of this… _bitter _frost embedded upon my soul; that is if it were to exist. For over a century I could not weep, yet I shivered from the merciless sobs raking my frame. And it was then that I realized, through the torment, and through the wretched cry that tore into the night, that I was wrong.

There is no such thing as forgiveness.


End file.
